This was inspired by an article I read about a couple that met on Tinder, had an amazing date (she thought) until she received a text from him the next day telling her that she was ‘too fat’ for him to fancy…I decided to write this from his perspective – I mean, what a lovely guy he must be…


She was like a Goddess

A real natural beauty,

Dead down to earth –

Not defensive or snooty.


We hit it off,

We got on really well;

I took her for food

And we drank Zinfandel…


We spoke of our past

And music we liked –

We had so much in common

I felt really psyched…


And I just can’t explain,

But as she stood up;

My heart quickly sank

As I viewed her close up.


She was a little too fat

For me to date –

I think that I’ll tell her

She needs to lose weight.


If she did that

Then she’d be ‘unblemished’ –

I mean, you can get

Slimming pills from the chemist!


It can’t be that hard –

I’ll make her ‘dream like’;

My ex wife could lend her

An exercise bike!


I know that you’re thinking

I’m not very nice,

But at least I am honest

And very concise.


I know my own body

I won’t get excited;

The hot flames of passion

Will NOT get ignited!


The reason I know

My ardour will quell;

Is my ego is huge

And I’m a dumb-bell


So I put on this front

Like a real ‘Bolshevik’,

The truth is you see –

I have a small p****k!






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