When you’ve been severely wronged
There’s nothing like the notion
Of getting sweet revenge
And feeling no emotion;
So here’s a simple guide –
A way to even out the score,
Before you get on with your life
And show him to the door!
Put Ex Lax in his food (no one likes the shits…)
Swap itching powder with the talc, he sprinkles on his bits!
Cut pretty patterns in his best designer shirts…
Put chilli in the soap so when he bathes, it really hurts!
Take a harsh photograph and have it duplicate –
Display it with the words “this man should be castrated”!
Place a singles add on ALL the dating sites…
Red dye in the wash machine for when he does his whites
Order taxi cabs that are really NOT required…
And Pizzas (extra large) that are really NOT desired!
Sign up for lots of spam and crappy magazines;
Stitch up all the crotches, in his denim jeans!
Put maggots in the drawer that holds his pants and socks!
Send him on a train to Aberdeen – and give him knock-out drops!
Tell Jehovah’s Witnesses he wants some intervention;
Phone him at the dead of night and cause him apprehension!
Pay work-men to dig a hole, outside his front door –
And film as he steps out-side with his new amour!
Be creative with spray paint on his new Nissan Sport;
Say you’ve just discovered a large venereal wart!
Send a male stripper, down to his local pub –
Armed with massage oil to give him a good rub!
Hand out business calling cards that offer kinky sex –
From a man who has a ‘thing’ for bikers and rough-necks!
Phone requesting passion and cuff him to the bed…
Take all his credit cards and put him in the red!
If none of these things work, then it’s probably too late –
So move on –
Get a grip!
AND GO OUT WITH HIS BEST MATE!