After sixteen hours of labour
The Midwife stood and stared
At the newborn in his Mother’s arms
And was really not prepared
For her Son’s ‘disfigurement’…
“GOOD LORD!” she declared
When she looked beneath
The swaddling clothes
At the babe all boufant-haired

“He’s a boy for sure!” she gasped
Averting her stare –
To somewhere else in the room
Anywhere but there!
“What’s his name?” the Midwife said
The young Mum looked full of promise
And innocently whispered
“I’m calling him John Thomas!”

As young John was growing up
He often gained attention
But all of this un-welcomed fuss
Was beyond his comprehension –
P.E. lessons with his class
Were really quite a feat;
His shorts had trouble holding in
His two veg and his meat!

He couldn’t understand why
The girls would run and shriek
While the boys – a tad concerned
Would beg to take a peek…
Of course as he grew older
John got used to his large chopper
Along with comments on his bulge
Like “I bet that’s a whopper!”

But when it came to dating
John was very shy
He was not loud and conceited
Like some other guys
He was looking for true love
Someone to hold his hand
Who would not be put off
By the size of his large gland!

He took up ballroom dancing
In the hope that he would find
A beautiful young woman –
Tall; slim and refined
Every week he’d grace the dance floor
Learnt to Rhumba, Waltz and Jive
And when he Tangoed with Virginia
He REALLY came alive!

The trouble is he couldn’t help
The fact he was excited
And as he stood enraged by
The manhood that had blighted
His childhood and his teens
When he was growing up –
He pushed away Virginia
And tried to cover up…

John need not have worried
He should not have been short sighted
Virginia loved him warts and all
In fact – she was DELIGHTED!
The moral of this story
Is never try and hide
The person that you really are –
And all that aside

A message to you fella’s
And I’m sorry this won’t flatter –
Despite what we say to you
Size really DOES matter!

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