I hate frilly clothing
All layers and too much fuss,
And I think designer handbags
Are so superfluous;
Nail extensions, manicures;
Hours in the chair –
I wouldn’t have the patience
If I was a millionaire!
You can keep your pamper sessions,
I haven’t got the time,
To visit a beautician
And get covered in some slime!
As for body waxing,
I think it’s just absurd;
It keeps me insulated
When my legs are furred!
Hair stylists bore me rigid –
All that banal chat;
When my hair looks a mess
I’d sooner wear a hat!
My man says ‘you’re high maintenance!’
He doesn’t have a clue,
So I’ve siphoned off the bank accounts
Before I say ‘adieu’!

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